Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
