Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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