I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
