I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
