that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
