I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
