cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
