My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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