I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
