On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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