since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
