Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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