she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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