fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
