Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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