I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
