as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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