I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
