According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
