theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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