Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
