so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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