I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
