I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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