did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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