Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
