she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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