I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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