My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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