Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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