Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize