He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
