You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
