Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
