my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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