I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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