Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
