Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
