Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
