Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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