Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
did i walk over a car last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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