she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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