so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
