Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize