you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
