there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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