She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
