Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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