My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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