Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
