I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
