I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
