told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
