okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
