Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
