i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize