someone get that fucking seahorse.
You smell like stripper and shame
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
