Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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