Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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