also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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