Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
