After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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