Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
