Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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