I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize