yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
