Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
