Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
