RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
