Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
