It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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