you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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