I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
