i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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