For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
