You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
