I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
