Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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