"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
