My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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