I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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