I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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