im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
