is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
