You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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