its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
